July 1st marked the 4 months post op marker. Some days it seems like just yesterday, when other times it tows the line of an eternity. All in all, things have been going very well. I continue to heal and make progress each+every day. You can imagine my frustration then, when despite such progress, I began to hurt again ... things just seemed not quite right. So, back to the Doctor I go. After further review and examination, looks like this lil saga of mine continues to unfold, or unravel at that. Turns out, I have a herniated disc in my lower back, the L4 and L5 to be exact, for all you spine aficionados out there :-)
Their presumption is that this injury has been there since my accident, and that there would have been no way for me to feel it's associated pain due to the immense issue with my tailbone. Ya see, pain is sneaky like that. You can only feel so much pain, in so many areas...it follows a sort of protocol if you will. As my surgery site begins to heal, this lil bugger finally has a chance to be heard, and FELT!
You can imagine my deflation upon hearing this news. Rather then flock to my "it'll be okay ... it's not the end of the world ... it could be worse", mentality (a mentality I have lived in and under for the past 2+ years), I flat out got sideways upset. For the first time in a LONG time, I just couldn't stomach the glass is half full notion. Not soon after this passed did I immediately feel guilty for getting upset. And then, wouldn't you know it ... anger again. Anger that I allowed myself to feel guilty. Can you say emotional roller coaster? The emotions have now calmed, and with that clarity came reflection and question.
What's so wrong with (sometimes) just being real with how we feel? How did we get to this point in society where taking the time to lick our own wounds was deemed self indulgent or weak? Yes, things could be worse, things can always be worse. However, that doesn't make the situation at hand any LESS then it is. SO, let me just break it down for you, this lil situation I've got going on over here stinks! Screw the glass being full or empty, all I know about a glass is how badly I wanna throw the durn thing against a wall :-)
So there, I said it. Judge if you feel necessary, but you won't find me losing sleep over it. Yes, there is a time and place for positivity, but there's also something to be said for honesty and taking a moment to be real with how you feel.
Honestly, sometimes life is just not fair. Thats the truth, and sometimes...a lot of the times, the truth hurts.
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